Darling, This Might Be Exactly What You Need To Read Right Now

According to NZ Herald, “New Zealand has the worst rate of family and intimate-partner violence IN THE WORLD. A shocking 80% of incidents go unreported.”

Someone here might simply need to read this. Most especially women suffering from verbal, psychological, emotional, and/or physical abuse.

You are not alone. You are not crazy, psycho, or paranoid. It’s not your fault. You didn’t start or cause any of it. He chose to respond and act that way. He chose to treat you that way.

I know you want to be that one person that could change him, support him, believe in him enough so he gets inspired to try or be better. I know you think if you give him all the love you can possibly give, he might treat you better — that he might love you back. I know you pray hard for him to be in a really good mood so conversations don’t turn to arguments, arguments don’t turn to fights, laughter doesn’t turn to disappointment, and spending time together doesn’t result to you feeling unloved and neglected still.

I know you ask yourself what more you can do to help lighten up his load, solve his problems, provide a stress-free environment for him so he’s happy. I know you ask yourself what more you can possibly give or do for this person in order for him to appreciate you. I know you just want him to see you.

Unfortunately, his mind works differently. Behaviours can be changed of course, but addictions (sexual, alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc.) and personality/mental disorders are a totally different story. So unless he gets some serious professional help, or stay clean and sober; unless he makes his mind up to change, unless he makes that decision for himself, then he most likely won’t change — not for you, not for anyone.

No one in their right minds would disrespect, lie to, cheat on, manipulate, control, use, and lay a hand on someone they truly love.

And yes, staring at and turning his head for, other girls while he’s next to you is disrespectful. Sexting is cheating, chatting up girls on Tinder or other social media/dating apps and hiding it from you is cheating. Simply having the urge to “meet up”, “have a drink”, or “be alone” with someone other than your partner is emotional cheating.

Just because he didn’t hit you with his fist, just because it didn’t bruise or bleed, doesn’t mean you didn’t feel unsafe or that you didn’t get hurt. Most of the time, it’s not the physical abuse that damages the most, it’s the words, how you’re treated, it’s the lack of intimacy, the daily anxiety and stress.

Of course, there are good days — he makes you laugh, cooks for you, do stuff with you, shows affection even in public, makes off-and-on micro-improvements to make you think it’s not so bad, it could still work — but how undeniably wrong are the bad days?

How many times do you have to pack and leave? How many times do you have to give him a wake up call? How many more chances, how many more broken promises?

The cycle has to stop.

You aren’t trapped and you don’t have to suffer. You don’t have to be isolated from your friends anymore. There’s support out there. Organisations waiting for you to speak up, and cannot be any more willing to help. If you find yourself thinking if you should call the police, you probably should. Put yourself first. You’re not being selfish, you’re standing up for, and saving, yourself. At the end of the day, only you can make that decision and follow through.

Don’t wait too long that you start to believe you are the names he calls you. Don’t wait too long that you slowly become more like him, and less and less than the person you were before you met him.

You aren’t prey. You’re not just flesh. You have a heart and a soul — protect these. Your parents didn’t raise you up the best way they know how and showered you with love just so you can be treated by someone who doesn’t see your worth like that. You aren’t helpless. You are powerful in a sense that all you have to do is wake up to the reality of things. You can’t keep denying, justifying, and putting up with his close-mindedness, his irrational, damaging, and self-sabotaging behaviours. For your own sanity, listen to your gut, and love yourself first.

It’s traumatizing to be hurt in any form or way by anyone, how much more by someone you love and dedicated so much kindness, patience, time, effort, support, and affection to. I understand. It absolutely ain’t easy. But you know it’s time to take all that attention and focus away from him, and revert it all back to you. There’s hope. You can still change the course of your life. Forgive yourself. Be strong.

P.S. For our single ladies and gents looking for a partner, there’s one thing I learned the hard way, twice: red flags, are definitely RED FLAGS. Be cautious. ❤

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Why It Took Me Nine Months To Write My First Blog This Year

2017 caught me off guard.

It’s the toughest year of my life yet. That is why I’ve been quiet. Lost track, just busy surviving, different sorts of emotional distraught here and there, too stressed that I got into cigarette smoking and drinking again, nothing seems to be falling into place, everything seems to be such a struggle, that most days I feel like I’ve forgotten how it feels like to be inspired, to enthusiastically go after something. But I’m trying to stay optimistic, I’m trying to see the good and not amplify the bad. It’s really difficult…

The hardest thing that hit me this year is my grandfather passing away. August 22nd, it was, not even two weeks ago, when liver cancer took him away from us. He passed away without me being able to fly home because I’m broke. He passed away surrounded by the family he built — loved, cared for, and respected. He passed away less than 48 hours after the release of my second poetry collection, Dreamers and Daydreams.

I still am not in the mood to celebrate its release. But I’m really proud of this one, it’s special. Dreamers and Daydreams is dedicated to my grandfather.

Dedication for Dreamers and Daydreams

I don’t think my grandfather would want to see me like this though. I’d stop saying negative things, just like the things I said above. I’d stop repeating them in my head over and over until I start believing I’m depressed and that there’s no hope. I will keep my thoughts in check. I am alright.

In time, I’ll heal.

Nothing But Gratitude As Brave Vulnerable Hits Amazon’s Best Sellers For The First Time

One month since its publication, and two days before Christmas, Brave Vulnerable’s Kindle edition hits the top 50 on Amazon’s Best Sellers. So unexpected. I’m so happy right now. To those who endlessly extend their love and support, thank you so much. You’re a part of this journey, let’s go!

(As of 12:14 pm NZST, 12-23-2016)

Brave Vulnerable’s Instagram Giveaway

Active on Instagram? Get a chance to win a free copy of my newly released book, Brave Vulnerable.

I’m set to have a proper giveaway in a couple of weeks or so, but I’m just overwhelmed by all the hearts I’m getting on Instagram so I’m doing a LITTLE pre-giveaway giveaway! 😂

All you have to do is (1) follow me on Instagram, (2) like this post: To Silence a Man, and (3) mention/tag a friend via comment on that post.

Winners will be announced on my Instagram page by Dec. 17, 2016 NZST.

Wouldn’t hurt to join and share some love. Cheers! xx

Electronic Brave Vulnerable, Out Now

Getting a copy of Brave Vulnerable is now quick and easy as you can download it from Smashwords.

Kindle version is also available.

You don’t have to have a Kindle device to read Kindle eBooks. All you have to do is download the Kindle App from Google Play, Apple App Store, or Windows Store.

Brave Vulnerable is a collection of a hundred and one poems divided into three chapters. It’s a guardless story about love — its beauty and its scars. The book is gritty and soft spoken, troubled and calm, painful and soothing; it’s wholehearted.

Download a copy now. xx

Here’s a taste:

stellar

A Milestone for a Milestone

I wanted a unique, incredible way to celebrate the release of my debut poetry book, Brave Vulnerable. So I jumped off a plane 12,000 ft above sea level!

Skydiving is definitely above and beyond. It’s personal, symbolic. There’s something bigger about it — spiritual, no single adjective is enough to define how the experience made me feel. I’m glad I did it, and I believe my beloved, gritty, brave vulnerables already have it on their bucket list. Do it guys! Love! xx

My Proof Copy Arrived Today!

So pleased with how it all turned out. Special thanks to my mother. She painted exactly what I’ve envisioned for the book cover. That just adds to how much this debut poetry book means to me. I could literally die right now. Oh wait, not yet. I still have to make sure it’s ready for the public eye. Thanks for your patience, and support in advanced!

My Book Is On Its Way!

It’s a beautiful feeling to see how much the first ever printed copy of your book has traveled to get to you. It’s finally here in Auckland. OMG!   

Can’t wait to share my work to all of you. Shout out to my few but lovely WordPress followers. It all started here. 😉 This is for you!

I’ll keep you posted! xx

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